I woke up this morning feeling shattered from a night of barely any sleep, the 6.30 wake up call was not appreciated at all. So i went back to sleep again, rising at 8.30 to go and fetch my pre cleanse drink. It was vile, orange juice garlic and oil plus some other odd bits and pieces. I felt relatively full afterwards but it was no poached egg…
I spent the morning wondering why i was going to go through with it questions like “Why am i here?” “why do i want to do this so badly?” “Is this not a little extreme?” were all plaguing me. I eat pretty well anyway, do i really need to do this? I started looking at other options in different places in Thailand, how much would it cost to leave and go somewhere else etc?
I have this overriding feeling that i am missing out on what i love most about visiting new places. That with the added
This is enough to keep a feeder happy for a whole week right…
regimentation of having to do certain things on certain days, i don’t like being told what to do and this is the epitome of that in a journey when i am forging a path that works for me and what i want from my life on my own terms. It fights against the grain for me in so many ways. It goes against my instinct to enjoy the food of the places i visit as a way for me to learn about people, how they live and manage the landscape around them. Food always tells a story and i feel i am depriving myself from it if i don’t indulge in it. From the high end scrummy stuff to the fast food type snacks i had in China and Sweden, they all tell me a something about the people that make them and enjoy them. The countries they inhabit and how they manage their climates etc.
It has also told me a lot about the kind of environment that i like to be in. I like beaches they are nice places to be, they are
pretty and they are nothing like little the midlands of the UK. But they are boring places generally for someone like me for more than a couple of days, i don’t tan and i like to have something to. I adore reading but when that is all there is to do, i can’t even eat while i read then my limit it pushed. They only are much more fun places to be if you have small people to entertain, i loved it when was away at the beach with my Italian family as the boys were always coming and going from my shady hideaway with various tales and requests. But there was no troublesome twosome here, or food… just a sunset and sunrise every day. Which although beautiful and my own kind of “sky tv” it would be a lot more stunning with food and a G&T.
A full 24 hours of deliberating and stressing later, my first proper meal in Koh Samui. Chicken and pineapple curry and fried rice. It was superb!
I gave it 24 hours, took the pre cleanse seriously and only ate raw food. Which was easy in that place as they are set up for it with all sorts of veggie dishes that i could tuck into. I took lunch at the village resort as well so i could have an opportunity to look around and see if i just needed a quieter setting. Part of my no sleep last night was also the noise from my rather rude neighbours and the road close by. But it was so remote and very empty i didn’t think i would feel safe there. My instinct was telling me to leave but my head was telling me i had to stay and see it through. I reached out to a very good friend who made me laugh hard when pointed out the folly of what i was doing. He told me what my instinct was trying to tell me but i was ignoring. Sometimes its easier to listen to than others. You know who you are, and THANK YOU for making me laugh when i was stressing myself out. You know me too well.
I made the decision to do the detox when i was wrapped up in a very different world, i was stressed, tired and aching from a round of work travel and eating out constantly in various eateries around Europe. At that point I was still in the midst of working long hours and being constantly connected and called upon. I needed an escape, i wanted a retreat. But i arrived having come from a new world. My life today is different, i have just spent 3 months uncoiling from that space, doing only things that make me smile or lead to things that make me smile and then the last 6 weeks on a dream trip that i had wanted to do for 6 years. I am finally living life on my terms and loving it, with no need to escape or retreat from anything.
I laughed at myself a lot for torturing myself over making a “mistake” but it lead me to the real treat that i needed in the seductive seclusion of Samui Code so it can’t be all bad. Every cloud and all that!
Ciao from a very happy and comfortable Cake lady, back on track living life on her terms and smiling a lot!
x x x
