Solo travel, alone but not lonely there is a difference

Solo travellers rarely travel alone

As i was wished on my way by my beautiful friends and family back home i had quite a few people say to me “you know where i am if you need me” “I’m always at the end of a phone/facetime”  “you’ll never be alone” etc. like it would be a necessity to have a hotline to people in order to be able to survive my days travelling alone. This is something that i have pondered a lot, it seems perverse to me as save one foolish trip when i was very broken hearted and didn’t know what was best for me at all. I have never felt lonely when travelling solo. I have felt achingly so on occasion when in the company of the wrong people at home. Often times with people that love me, or have claimed to but don’t get me or what i am really all about.

Staying in touch is the best of both worlds

Now before you all delete me from your contacts list, let me be clear I love staying in contact via whatsapp, FaceTime and Skype etc for the access it gives me to news from home and pictures of my gorgeous niece and nephew etc. But i don’t find myself depending on that hotline to home. It’s the cherry on top of my own adventure to be able to hear about others having theirs wherever they are in the world. In fact I would be seriously re-thinking my decision if i was feeling a desperate need to be in touch all the time and you should too if i ever start popping up every minute of every day!

But won’t you look a bit odd on your own?

A lot of people travel alone, for varying reasons and different cultures find it curious in all manner of ways. I find that i talk to a lot more people when i am on my own than when i travel with other people, opening up my world network every time i arrive somewhere new. People tend to want to look after me and make sure i am OK from the provodnistas on trains, hotel staff and general kind population they all treat me as they would wish to be treated themselves. The only negative i have had from anyone was from a sleazy French man who was affronted that i didn’t want to talk to him when i stopped in a bar for a drink to wait for my taxi the other night. I made it clear that i was more interested in my book than in him and got a sarcastic comment as i left. That’s as hostile as it gets so far.

It doesn’t feel brave to me, it’s my normal

This week an apparently capable and confident man (military nonetheless!) couldn’t fathom why i would be in Malaysia on my own this week, stating that he wouldn’t even dare come here on his own. And demanded to know where my friends were. My response was something like… it was case of waiting for someone else to have the right time/money/desire to come and live my dreams with me and potentially never get that “perfect” opportunity to go with a friend or beau. Or just go out and live them on my own terms. He immediately backed off as it was difficult to argue then!

I take care of my safety as i would anywhere

I am (generally!) sensible in the choices i make, as I am at home. My safety is my responsibility, I trust my gut instinct and treat people kindly and respectfully. It seems to be working and people have been very kind in return. Karma is a powerful thing. I have been invited to all sorts of meals and gatherings and had some great conversations about home/potential locations for trips/where i am going next etc. Some people drift in and out of my story for just a day and others i know will stick around for a lot longer. But that’s OK, it’s all part of the adventure.

It makes me do things i would never do at home, every single day and i love it!

I am getting braver at how i interact with people as believe it or not in the past i have been very shy around people that i don’t know very well. There are things that i am very happy doing now that i never would have done when i left CMK a few months ago. One of which is going into a bar for an evening on my own. Before i would have stuck to hotel bars only when travelling (mainly with work) as that’s OK right? i had an excuse to be there on my own… Gosh i must have missed out on so many more interesting evenings of entertainment that way. I now just do whatever takes my fancy, ensuring that i have the address and/or directions to get back to where i need to be somewhere easily accessible in my phone and a piece of paper. Which has resulted in some of the best nights out i have had in a long time, meeting some wonderful people.

It bothers other people more than it bothers me

People’s reactions to me travelling alone can be entertainment in itself, especially in restaurants. The ritual removal of cutlery from the other side of the table is annoying, they seem to do it with such drama, and i’m not sure why either as they are only going to have to relay it again when i have left! Being a feeder i get immersed in deliberating what i am going to choose and then the details of how it is made etc, and where there is one get lost in the view that accompanies said meal or if not the story that is sucking me into the screen of my Kindle. I don’t really pay attention to what’s going on around me. In Chiang Mai i was engrossed in watching the lanterns being lit and  drifting off up into the sky, wondering what people had wished for when letting them go. I didn’t really pay attention to the romantic setting, there were three tables of people staring at me with anticipation as i left as if i was about to burst into tears or something. I must be entertaining to watch too through their eyes!

When there is no view and i have exhausted my book etc, i just watch people. Often times it makes me thankful for being able to enjoy whatever culinary delights i have ordered. The older couples that dine in silence, just staring into the abyss as they eat. The younger couples who spend their entire meals furiously typing into smartphones or even worse, absent mindedly scrolling. This has to be the ultimate insult, it’s not like there is an important issue they have to attend to, they are just killing time while with someone that they are supposed to want to spend time with. It makes me very grateful to have choices, i love dining with people (god you all know that!) but i also love dining alone and that is OK. There is a time for both.

I haven’t pulled out the notebook in a restaurant for a while, i might save that trick for a posh resto in Asia when i head there later in the week!

I’m hungry now with all that talk of dinner, this cake lady is off to get ready for some food!

Ciao e baci a tutti x x x