A week in the life of a shocked, scared but then ultimately very stubborn Cake Lady

WARNING! This won’t make easy reading, but if i’m to write an authentic account of my adventures in Asia then i need to write about this. I am also breaking the timeline and adding this out of sequence, but then so am i at the moment and i want you all to understand why…

I clearly tempted fate. The day i drafted a piece about being brave and travelling safely alone, i had an awful experience as a solo female traveller. I did all the things that i have been told to do to keep myself safe. But still, there was someone who tried to take advantage. The distance from the place i had i my after dinner cake to my hotel on Saturday night was only 3 short blocks away. Too close to get a cab, but apparently too far away to walk on my own too. I noticed the presence of someone behind me one block into my walk so i crossed the street to walk on the other side for the next section as i could see more people on that side. I also stayed in the middle of the road instead of the 5 foot walkways along the side. He circled round in front of me to look at my face and then disappeared when people walked past. I thought the people had scared him off.

I turned the corner to my street, full of hawker stalls and people bustling around. Clearing up, passing through and on their way somewhere. It was 10:45pm, early by Penang standards where some restaurants don’t open until that time. There were more people around so i felt a lot better, and the man seemed to have disappeared. There was a busy clan house at the head of the street with a wealth of people spilling out of it, a couple of restaurants with music blaring out. A family passed me on their bikes and i saw a man coming towards me with a small boy on the front of his. “There are people around, i’ll be fine” i thought to myself. However there was a small gap in this people traffic of about 100 yards which i hadn’t anticipated, and that was where he swooped. He ran back out of the shadows of the 5 foot walkways and grabbed my boob.

My immediate reaction was anger. I shouted at him, told him not to dare to do that again. His reaction, he laughed and jeered. I was stunned. The man who was cycling towards me, with his small child. he laughed too. Instead of telling him off, it was funny to him. What a great example to set that small child. I ran, i ran the final couple of hundred yards i had left to my hotel past bemused people. I was scared, shocked and increasingly shaky and upset by the time i got to the door of my hotel. I wanted to see the friendly face of the owner and tell him what happened. But he wasn’t there, it was one of his staff who didn’t speak very good English. I hurried upstairs to my room, shaking and on the verge of tears. I didn’t want to upset the man in reception, i didn’t want to cause a fuss. All i could see what the leery face of the young man that just groped me in the street, his bright and crazy eyes peering out from the darkness of his sun ravaged skin in the shadows. I wasn’t thinking straight.

All i could do was cry. How dare that man violate me like that. He was an older teenager, maybe 19/20. Who does he think he is? What’s the thrill in making me scared? I was angry that i was so upset. How could something like that upset me so much? I was too scared to go to sleep and too scared to stay awake. I didn’t want to think about it. i wanted to go back in time and have it not happen. But what would i do differently? I did all the things that you are supposed to do in order to stay safe, it’s just this one person appeared to have different acceptable boundaries. He could have easily tried to grab my bag from behind as he ran out of the shadows but he opted not to. The way he looked at me was so sinister.

I was upset and angry, why was i so upset? He just grabbed my boob. Then i played that back to myself, that’s not something that “just” anyone is allowed to do, that’s my personal space that he violated. Then i went through the “what did i do to make him think that was OK?” angry at myself for some inadvertent come on. But i did everything that i could have done to make sure that i was safe.

▪ I knew exactly where i needed to go, i had checked the map in the loo of the cafe so no one could see me and counted exactly how many roads up i needed to be so i didn’t have to keep looking at street signs, and was walking purposefully.

▪ I had my key in my hand so i could get straight into the front door of the hotel, and/or maim someone with it.

▪ I was covered up, I had trousers and a baggy top on in an attempt to not get bitten that evening.

▪ I was on a busy, well lit street with people around. I breathed a sigh of relief when i saw a busy clan house at the end of my road.

This was simply an opportunistic lad who has rocked me to the core. If nothing else i always had independence and confidence to go about my daily business. I was relishing the next 7 days that i have here in Penang to explore the island and head over to the Jazz festival this weekend. Now all i wanted to do is hide in my room. I wanted to go and sit in a coffee shop and write the following day, but i was scared to even do that. I wanted to go and make some friends so i don’t have to be out again after dark on my own. But i was too scared to do that, i couldn’t stop myself from crying which i didn’t think would be the best introduction!

The horror of what could have happened has terrified me, my hotel owner was very sweet but has made some alarmingly naive and annoying comments. “why didn’t you use your phone and call me when you realised, i could have come and walked you home” Well yes, lets see how that goes “excuse me, can you just wait a minute while i get someone to escort me home?” Then “did you take a picture?” as well as chastising me for apparently not saying the right thing when i shouted at the man. Shock and fear doesn’t really account for these things and i didn’t have the presence of mind to say the “right” thing apparently. It was the first time anything like that has ever happened to me, and i’m not ashamed to say i panicked. My kickboxing instructor would hang his head in shame!

I have pondered the lesson i can learn from this and what i would do differently next time. The only thing that i could do is not be alone, which is not the easiest option for a solo traveller. He’s eroded my confidence and independence which makes me even more mad, they are things that i cherish a great deal especially on this trip. I have been out in the daytime on my own since, but am still too jumpy to be out in the evening for too long. The hotel owner was wonderful fetching me some dinner when i was too scared to out at night, and took me to the police station to file a report. They were a bit flummoxed by the whole thing, not having filed a report for that area before and having to apparently call 4 people in order to work out how to complete it. My hotel owner was even going to take me out in the evening with his friends to get me used to being out again. But it was all a bit much too soon, and frankly i didn’t want to be in that area. I also don’t see how being escorted everywhere really helps me, i need to be able to go out on my own, i won’t let this spoil my experience overall and my enjoyment of Penang in particular.

I saw a man who looked like him 2 days later with the same wild look in his eyes and fled in tears of abject fear to my old hotel a bit further into town. Where the very kind and patient receptionist gave me a pot of tea and a friendly ear. The guy was loitering not too far from the hotel where it happened and i was fearful that it would happen again. They are drug addicts apparently (they are not mentioned in the guidebook!) so don’t have the same boundaries as regular folk. Physically i am fine, but the emotional scars of feeling so vulnerable and scared will take a while to heal. So I moved to another hotel right on a cosy main street in Georgetown where i can easily walk to restaurants in the evening, and am pushing myself further every day. But I am also mindful of being kind to myself and taking one step at a time.

I want to just get to a place where there are friendly faces that i can relax with now. I was already ready to settle in somewhere for a bit anyway and this has just exaggerated that fact. I still love Penang and want to enjoy my last 2 days of it, i will be stronger tomorrow and will be enjoying my last day watching a sunrise gig at the Tropical Spice Garden as part of the Penang Jazz festival. I am determined to leave on a high.

A tired, emotional but rallying Cake Lady signing off, ciao e baci a tutti, my stubbornness will get me through it if nothing else x x x x

P.S. Not to be printed and shared with a certain older Irish lady who i know is reading facsimile copies of this blog… :o)